Author(s): Kathy Weingarten

Families | Feminism

After learning she had breast cancer, Kathy Weingarten - a family therapist and mother of two - became acutely aware of the crippling cultural messages about mothering that kept her from sharing herself intimately with her children. "I wanted to understand why I was so willing to let my children express themselves, " she writes, "but so uncertain how to express myself with them." Drawing on the tools and case histories of her professional life, the example of her own loving (and beloved) but constrained mother, and the experience of conveying her post-diagnosis feelings to her children, Kathy Weingarten charts an invaluable and inspiring course in working toward a collaborative, non-hierarchical family life. She defies traditional attitudes about response to a child's gender, the importance of fathers, the true nature of listening, and the meaning of separation. She questions the conventional wisdom about mothers that catches them between representing themselves accurately to their families and representing themselves acceptably. Although mindful of not burdening children with more information than they should bear, this stirring book carries the crucial message that children can't be properly prepared for their own intense lives without knowing the ways their loved ones cope with theirs. And, no less important, that intimacy is achieved only through honesty of expression - the authentic, not the "good, " mother's voice. To the silenced parent, Kathy Weingarten offers relief, clarity, and direction.